Eight
by demort
Summary: The age eight has always been significant in Misaki's life. At same he lost his parents. At eighteen, he met Usagi-san. What happens at twenty eight? Warning: implied smut, character death.
1. Chapter 1

**Eight**

A/D: I disclaim, not mine. Disclaimer is for all chapters.

A/W: This is a yaoi fan-fiction so you know the drill, implied smut and character death. Might be horribly cliche too.

A/N: This is the first time I'm writing a Hurt/Comfort story. My only genre till now has been Humor. So please be kind. I'm writing this because I felt bad for being so mean to Usagi-ani in 'The Cake Offensive'. Yeah I'm weird. I hope you like it.

* * *

**Prologue**

_**(Present time)**_

It has been six years since I was last here.

Nothing's changed. The apartment is as unnecessarily spacious as before, the furniture is still exactly where I remember it to be and it's as spotless as it has always been. The only difference is that all the furniture is covered by white linen sheets. And nobody is home.

Slowly, as if in a daze, I move towards the couch and remove the sheet covering it. It's as if I have also removed the sheet blocking the memories in my mind as they immediately begin to assault me. I stumble forward, unable to contain the furry of long suppressed emotions and end up lying face down on the couch.

_The first time I read one of his BL novels….the first time he touched me….making breakfast….getting hugged…being kissed….first time we had sex….his voice….his smell…his touch…_

Unbidden tears leaked through the corner of my eyes as these bittersweet memories made their presence known. And I could do nothing but weep at my loss.

I don't know how long I sat there, crying, remembering, trying to hold on to those days, trying to hold onto him…

"Daddy, you were right. There **is** a room full of bears here. And another with a train and another with a really long wall on the floor. And another with empty fish tanks daddy! Daddy?"

I hastily wiped my tears and pretended to wake up from a nap.

"Sorry, daddy was just so tired he couldn't keep his eyes open. So what else did you find?"

"I found the best room ever! It had this huge bed and every toy I could think of! Was that his room daddy?"

"Yes Akihiko, it was your papa's room."

* * *

Tbc


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter: 1**

_**(1 year ago)**_

It was a thirty minute walk from London's Greenwich residential area to the graveyard. And Aki and I, as a ritual, refrained from taking the car. We passed by the florist's shop on the way, where I bought a bouquet of Baby Romanticas. I got odd looks from the shopkeeper as I was carrying a huge bear in my arms. And as always, Aki carried the flowers.

Today was the eight day of the month. It was the day for our monthly visit to the graveyard. Neither of us said much, choosing rather to look elsewhere than the burden in our arms. It reminded us too much of what we had lost, of who was now gone forever.

We reached the graveyard without any untoward incident. There was a patch of freshly dug earth, right outside the keeper's house and a little ways from the graveyard's gate. The sign read 'VEGETABLES'; most probably the keeper trying to add a little cheer to what must be a thoroughly depressing life.

"V-E-G-E-T-A-B-L-E-S…what does that read to daddy?"

Akihiko had lately been sounding out letters ever since I taught him the alphabets. Not bad for a four year old.

"Veh-gie-tah-bles…Vegetables, most likely the keeper is growing them."

We walked past the gate and to our destination. Hidden behind a yew tree…

"Papa!"

…was his grave.

Aki ran the remaining length to reach first at Usagi-san's final resting place.

"Papa, how are you? Did you miss me? I missed you. See, I brought your favorite flowers. And guess what! I'm starting school this year. I'll be going next month to rece…resse-"

"Reception School" I supplied.

"That and I'm going to have many new friends too!"

"Aki, can I have a moment with papa?"

"Okay daddy"

"Don't wander too far and don't go outside the gate."

I watched Aki run towards another yew tree, no doubt to try and climb it. I lowered myself on my knee and placed a kiss upon the gravestone, upon his name. I placed Suzuki-san on the ground beside me.

"Usagi-san, how are you? Suzuki-san here missed you too. You know, I finally got the promotion and Aki's starting school this year. He can hardly stop talking about it. He looks just like you, he has your eyes, your hair and he loves flipping through picture books and magazines. No doubt he'll turn into another famous novelist. He can recognize alphabets too…and I'm teaching him Japanese. He spends a lot of time in the park with his friends. I'm giving him a thoroughly normal childhood, just like you wanted……"

"The only thing missing is you, Usagi-san. I miss you…I miss you so, so much. There's no one to bother me anymore, no one to annoy me. Aki is an angel: he sits quietly when told, eats his greens and always picks up after himself. He's such a smart kid. But it feels so incomplete without you, I miss you Usagi-san, I-"

"Daddy? Don't cry, please don't cry."

"Sorry Aki, but daddy misses papa a lot. But it's okay; I have you here with me."

I gave him a tight hug and shut my eyes to stop the fresh flow of tears.

"I love you, Aki."

"I love you too daddy."

"I love you Usagi-san. I miss you."

"Me too, I love papa too and Suzuki-san!"

I turned towards our family bear, as Aki had taken to calling him to his friends and scooped him in my arms. I placed one final kiss to the cold stone and said my goodbye. Till next month Usagi-san.

* * *

_**(7 years ago) **_

"I'm finally graduating next month! I can't believe it's already been four years."

"Four and a half years since I met you Misaki."

"Four years of madness called Usagi-san's life!"

"Four years of your cooking."

"……What's wrong with my cooking?"

"Nothing, I think it's better than anything I've ever had. And I've had quite a lot."

Trust Usagi-san to still make me blush like a little girl. I'm so sure he does it on purpose. Anyway, I'm a graduate now. And three inches taller than I was as a freshman! I'm still shorter than Nii-chan and the rabbit but three inches!!! That's got to be something…

"Misaki, now that you are graduating…"

What....You don't want me to move out, do you?

"I think we should tell Takahiro about us."

Tell Nii-chan?! Is he crazy?

"What, no! It's too early."

"Misaki, I think a hundred years from now will still be 'too early' for you. You are a grown man now, one who can make his own decisions. And Takahiro will have to respect that. So I think we should tell him before your graduation."

"Why before?"

"Do you want to move back with him? I think the 'newly married' argument is invalid now and Takahiro will want you close before you get married and move out permanently."

"But we can't marry…I don't think it's even legal."

"Happy as I am that you are thinking about our marriage, the thing is Takahiro will picture it differently. He will picture your marriage with a girl, which is perfectly legal."

But I don't want to marry a girl. Not anymore. He has a point though.

"Okay then. But I'm not telling anything. He is your best friend."

As if I could ever _speak_ to Nii-chan about being gay. And in a serious relationship…with his best friend....

No, I'm quite happy being the neighbor's cat this time around.

* * *

This time around I was sitting outside the door, listening in.

"Takahiro, I have something to tell you. Misaki is graduating next month-"

"I get it Usagi. You want him out. Actually, I want him out too. Out living with us, that is."

I don't think that's possible Nii-chan. Not unless you plan on housing my pet rabbit too.

"No, I still have no problem with Misaki staying here. The thing is, well, Misaki and I have been in a relationship for the last four years."

.....He said it……he just said it! How could he be so blunt? Weren't authors supposed to be subtle?  
Well, subtlety _might_ be a little lost on my brother though………  
Oh definitely lost on him. I'm just glad he said it.

"WHAT?! You…and Misaki…are in a WHAT?!"

"Relationship, Takahiro. I love Misaki. I love him more than you'd like to know. I can't live without him. I'm very serious about spending the rest of my life with him."

I'm definitely blushing now. How can be so blunt, yet oddly romantic?  
Stupid Usagi, is anything ever normal with you?

"And Misaki?"

"He's listening outside the door; he's too embarrassed to come in."

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH, you stupid moron! You told him!  
Is it too late to just 'meow' and run away?

"Misaki?"

"…Nii-chan…"

You are so dead Usagi! Dead, dead, dead!

"Is it true?"

"……Yes Nii-chan. I love him. And I am serious about it."

I think my face is discovering new shades of red. I blame the rabbit.

"But you never told me you were…"

"Gay?"

"Yes"

Again I blame the rabbit.

"Does it matter Nii-chan?"

"No, no it doesn't. It's your life; you are free to live it as you like."

Thank you, Nii-chan. I really appreciate that.

"Usagi, if you ever hurt him, I'll kill you."

"Nii-chan?!"

"You are still my little baby brother, who is in 'serious' love, with my best friend…I think I need a drink…"

Trust me Nii-chan, once upon a time, I had the same reaction.

* * *

Tbc


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter: 2**

_**(1 year ago)**_

Today was an important day in the Usami household.

"Daddy! I can't find my socks. Where are my socks? I'm going to be late. Daddy!"

Yes, little Akihiko Usami was starting Reception School today. The day everyone (Aki) was so eagerly anticipating was finally here. And Aki, my sweet little angel, was nothing more than a bundle of nerves.

"Aki, calm down…It's 7am. School starts at 9. You have two hours. And your socks are down here with your shoes."

All day yesterday and much of last night, Aki had been running around like he was on batteries. It had been a chore to get him to sleep. He was just so full of never ending questions about school life. Finally, I had to read one of Usagi-san's 'normal' novels to get him to sleep. Even though he doesn't understand the novel, much less the Japanese it's written in, hearing his papa's works always calms him down. It calms me down too.

"Aki, breakfast's ready."

We both said our prayers and started eating. Aki kept swallowing without chewing first.

"Aki, chew your food properly. You don't want to choke, do you?"

"But daddy, I'll be late."

Usami Akihiko, worried about being late? I couldn't help but smile at the irony.

"Aki, do you trust daddy?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll make sure you are not late. Can you trust that?"

"…Okay"

He was still fidgeting like someone put an itch-powder in his shorts. At least he started chewing. Thank God for small blessings.

* * *

We ended up leaving the house at 8.30, even though the school was only ten minutes away on foot. Aki was bouncing with each step. Definitely a rabbit!

But his enthusiasm burnt short just a few feet from the school gate. He stood stock still as we approached the gate, like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Aki, what's wrong?"

"I'm scared. What if I don't like it? What if they all hate me?"

I knelt and scooped up my precious little four year old. He hugged me so tight, I felt my heart constricting. My little baby was really going out there.

"Aki, listen to me. It'll be okay. Everyone is new here, everyone starts alone. But you have an advantage, you know what?"

"What?"

"Suzuki-san"

I had placed a smaller version of our family guardian in Aki's bag. And a Bugs Bunny themed lunch box.

"And papa too, he's always watching over his little Aki."

"Okay. But you'll be here at lunch time right?"

"I took the morning leave just for it. Now go on, go make some new friends."

I took out my digital camera and took a few snaps. My Aki looked so cute, all grown up with a school bag.

_Usagi-san, I wish you were here to see this……_

* * *

_**(6 years ago)**_

I look over at the Great Lord Usami Akihiko, typing mercilessly on his laptop. He has been acting really strange lately, much more than his usual threshold of strangeness.

First he's been kissing me like it's going out of fashion. And clinging to me like a new born orangutan. Lastly, I haven't seen Aikawa-san here for a month! While that in itself is not that strange, the implications of it are momentous. It means he is meeting his deadlines…without fail…all of his deadlines. _Nii-chan, what is this rabbit planning this time?_

"Usagi-san, is something wrong?"

"Nothing"

"No, it's not nothing. Why are you acting like…like……"

"Like?"

"Like you are running out of time or something?"

"Don't be stupid Misaki."

He didn't quite meet my eyes with that reply. I didn't get a chance to spare another thought for that little oddity as he was onto me.

Kissing me, hugging me…and……

* * *

"Misaki, let's have a kid."

"**WHAT?!"**

It was bedtime and I was enveloped in his embrace, both of us enjoying the warm, comforting presence of the other.

"A child, Misaki, let's have one."

"And what brought on this sudden…whim?"

"It's not a whim. We are a family now. Takahiro's blessing et al. Any proper family has at least one kid. They said so on the TV. 'A couple without a child is incomplete.'"

What I would like to know is which program fills his already abnormal head with all these weird notions because I'd like to sue them. I certainly have never come across 'A Dummy Guide to a Normal Family Life' or '101 Ways to Be like Everyone Else'. Because where else could he get these ideas?

"Usagi-san we have a little problem with that. Anatomy: see two guys don't have the necessary parts to conceive a child."

"Surrogate pregnancy?"

"Not recognized in Japan. The woman who gives birth is recognized as the mother."

"Ah Misaki, but I'm not Japanese by birth. I'm Japanese by descent. I was born in London and lived there till the age of ten. My mother has British citizenship. That's automatic citizenship for me. I just have to revoke my Japanese citizenship and take up British instead."

That actually made sense. Trust stupid Usagi to think these things through. A child? I've never even thought about it. When I chose Usagi-san, I gave up any hopes of becoming a father. It wasn't a difficult choice for me; Usagi-san is practically a child.

"Maybe, anyway you are worse than any toddler I could ever have."

"Will you think about it?"

"Okay. Goodnight Usagi-san"

"Night. I love you."

"I love you too, you stupid rabbit."

* * *

Tbc


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter: 3**

_**(1 year ago)**_

I never imagined myself as a banker.

Misaki Usami did not look like a banker, with his short stature and green eyes. He did not feel like a banker, with his soft voice and kindly face. But that didn't mean he wasn't one.

I was currently employed by a small, private corporate bank called 'R&B Bank'. It was as cliché a job as you could imagine a college graduate with a Master in Economics to have. But it paid well.

"Usami, did you hear the latest news? R&B is being taken over by a Japanese company."

Water cooler conversations and office gossip mill went hand in hand. There was always someone with a fresh piece of rumor.

"Japanese company?"

"Oh right, you are Japanese, aren't you? Yeah, some big-shot company is trying its hands in the British banking sector."

With that pronouncement my colleague wandered over to his cubicle, no doubt feeling accomplished at feeding the office grapevine. Takeover rumors were nothing surprising; it was spread by secretaries at least once in their office career. I wondered at the credibility of this latest one.

Speaking of office secretaries, the newest one was giving me a headache. She kept trying to flirt with me and ask me out on a date. Oh well, she would learn soon enough that all her efforts were in vain.

"Mr. Usami, how are you today?"

Jean Treanor, the aforementioned source of my headache. This must be her nth attempt at asking me out.

"I'm fine, Miss Treanor. Thank you for asking."

"Oh call me Jean. We are colleagues after all. So I hear there a new Bond moving coming out. Any dates?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I have. I'm watching the latest Disney movie with my son."

"Oh you have a son. How cute! How old is he?"

Did she not know when to give up? Not so subtly I moved the water cup to my left hand which had a platinum band around my ring finger. It was a silent indication that I may be single but I'm definitely not available.

"He's four and a half. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of work piled up."

Back at my desk, I took off the ring to look at the engraving on it.

'**I love you Misaki'**

_I love you too Usagi-san…_

* * *

_**(6 years ago)**_

I can't believe he is doing this right now. Here, in the Ferris wheel.

It was one of our usual dates. Usagi-san was still acting stranger than usual. I thought nothing of it when he said that we were going out tonight. But looking back, I could see that Usagi-san was tense and nervous all day today. Since he's been cutting back on smoking, I chalked it off as a withdrawal symptom. Never did I expect he'd be doing this!

Usagi-san, the stupid, idiotic rabbit was on one knee with a velvet box in his hand.

"Misaki, I love you. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. I can't imagine a day without you, much less my life. I want you to be mine forever. Misaki…will you marry me?"

Is this really happening? He's…I can feel my eyes stinging as tears rolled down my cheeks. He's really doing this! Usagi-san, you moron…

"Yes", I whispered so slowly that I'm sure he didn't quite catch it; "Yes", I choked on my own answer; "Yes", as he slipped the ring on my finger; "Yes", as he kissed me……

_Yes, I'll marry you Usagi-san…_

* * *

I'm Takahashi Misaki, 23 years old, engaged to the super popular novelist Lord Usami Akihiko and currently on broad the business class seat on the British Airways.

After Usagi-san proposed on the Ferris wheel (the memory still makes me blush), he announced that we would be moving to England. Same-sex marriage was not recognized in Japan but civil unions were legal in the UK. Usagi-san had revoked his Japanese citizenship and he, Suzuki-san and I were currently on our way to his home in London.

The news that we were getting married was not received favorably by everyone. There was a huge uproar in the media when Usagi-san announced that he was gay and was taking an indefinite leave from the literary world. Aikawa-san was in tears but later confessed that she was happy that her favorite BL couple was actually getting together in real life.

Nii-chan…well Nii-chan fainted when he saw the ring on my finger.

After a few shots of alcohol, he gained enough coherence to start the 'over-protective and outraged big brother act'. It wasn't pretty but we got through. Of course, the matter that we were planning on settling down halfway across the globe was a different story entirely. He even brought up my ongoing Master's degree to the argument but as my English is now serviceable enough, I'll be completing my studies in University of London. Nevertheless, he still doesn't support the decision of living in London.

"Misaki, what are you thinking?"

"Nothing important Usagi-san"

"Misaki, now that we are getting married, are you going to take my name or should I take up yours?"

Name?! What name? Oh, he means last names…wait what?!

"Usagi-san, how about I keep my name and you keep yours?"

"But Misaki, we are getting married! One of us has to change his last name; they said so on the TV!"

You know, I'm so glad we're moving to the UK. At least I'll be rid of this God forsaken TV program there.

Usagi-san has a childlike innocence when it comes to his desire to do things normally. It's a contradiction to his usual personality but also one of many adorable things about him. And I can't help but give into his every little whim whenever he gets like that.

"Okay but how are we going to decide that?"

"I don't know. Flip a coin?"

"What? Of all the things you could come up with…You want to flip a coin to decide who takes whose name?"

"Yes, I do. Do you have a better idea?"

35,000 feet above the sea-level and suspended in mid air somewhere over Russia, Usagi-san flipped a coin to decide our future names.

I lost.

* * *

Tbc


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter: 4**

_**(1 year ago)**_

I woke up to the sound of an explosion.

_Aki!_

Not bothering to put on my dressing robe, I rushed to my son's bedroom. To my horror he wasn't there.

"Aki? AHIKIKO? Where are you?"

"Kitchen daddy"

Kitchen?! The source of the explosion? Heart hammering wildly, I ran down the stairs, two at a time to the kitchen. Luckily Aki was just outside the kitchen door, with an expression of great horror on his face.

"Aki, are you all right?"

I didn't let him answer me as I picked him up and hugged him. If anything happened to him…

"Daddy, I'm alright."

I looked him over. He looked frightened but otherwise unharmed.

"Are you sure? Did anything hit you? Anything hurts?"

"I'm fine daddy."

"What happened?"

Just then the smoke detector went off. I told Aki to stay outside and went in the kitchen. There was a lot of smoke coming from the microwave. I hastily used the fire extinguisher on it, unplugged the microwave and disabled the alarm. After opening the doors and windows, I left the kitchen to find a sobbing four and half year old.

"Aki, it's okay. Daddy put out the fire. Now, tell me what happened?"

"I'm sorry daddy -sniff- it's all my fault –hiccup-"

"Did you use the microwave? Alone?"

"…yes…"

Admitting that, he broke down completely. I couldn't find it in my heart to scold him.

I picked up his trembling body and he buried his face in my chest. I took him to the living room and placed him on my lap and wiped him tears and nose with a tissue. Holding him tightly, I asked him why he felt the need to use the microwave alone.

"I just wanted to make you breakfast. 'Cause it's your birthday today. But when I put the eggs on the microwave, they exploded."

_**Well, I tried to boil some eggs on the stove, and they exploded…**_

"Aki, have you ever seen me put eggs in the microwave?"

"But I can't reach the stove. And they said on the TV that you can cook anything in the microwave."

_**They said so on the TV…**_

I couldn't help it at the point, I just burst out laughing. Aki looked scandalized.

"Sorry Aki but you remind me too much of your papa."

"What?"

"You papa was a walking disaster in the kitchen. It means he used to make things explode too and he wasn't very good at cooking either."

"Did he make you breakfast too?"

_**Usami-sensei's fluffy omelet special deluxe…**_

"Yes he did. Or at least he tried to."

_On my birthdays…the morning after: the first time we had sex…he proposed…our wedding night…Aki was conceived…Aki was born…_

"Sorry. I just wanted to make you something special."

"It's okay Aki, I'm not angry. The fact that you woke up so early to make me breakfast is more than special enough for me. Thank you."

"Happy 28th birthday daddy"

I hugged him and asked him to promise me to NEVER use the kitchen without my presence.

_Usagi-san, he is definitely your son……_

* * *

_**(6 years ago)**_

Nii-chan, I can't do this!

"What can't you do Misaki?"

Oh crap, did I really say that out loud?

"This Nii-chan. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not ready to be married. I can't do it!"

Nii-chan and his family were here in the UK for the ceremony. I was currently standing in one of the bedrooms in this hideously expensive and unnecessarily huge five bedroom house in the prestigious Devonshire Avenue in Buckinghamshire. And I was getting married in two hours in the back garden. In two fricking hours!

"I can't. What am I even doing in this tuxedo?"

"Getting married to the love of your life?"

"Nii-chan!"

"Misaki, you think you are nervous? Usagi was on his fifth cup of coffee when I went there. It's okay. Do you remember how I was?"

"…Yeah, your hands kept shaking and you couldn't even knot your tie properly. But you were also smiling like an idiot."

"Why shouldn't I have? I was getting married to the woman I loved. Misaki, don't think about it. Just remember how you feel for Usagi."

How do I feel about that rabbit? I mean sure I love him. And I always feel my heart skip a beat when he hugs me and kisses me. And I'm always thinking about him, mostly because I _know _he can't even cross the road properly. He is absolutely hopeless at looking after himself. I love taking care of him. And his face lights up like a Christmas tree whenever he finds a new toy or a stuffed bear. I love seeing that…I love seeing him happy and smiling and-

"Misaki, you are smiling like an idiot."

"I know. Thanks Nii-chan. I think Usagi-san can use your advice too."

"Misaki you are marrying him. Call him by his name."

"No, it's okay. For me, he'll always be Usagi-san."

* * *

Taka….No Usami Misaki, 23 years old, married to Usami Akihiko, was currently sitting in the waiting room of an Infertility Clinic in Central London.

It turns out Usagi-san was serious about having a child. A week after we got married, he took me to a surrogate mother agency to select prospective candidate. He wanted a child so much that I agreed to it. I know this is just going to increase my responsibilities tenfold but Usagi-san wants a family, a happy and relatively normal one. I can't deny him that.

We decided on artificial insemination, meaning the child would be biologically related to the surrogate mother. We didn't meet the prospective mother as both parties agreed on complete anonymity.

"Misaki, let's go."

"It's over? Already?! Was it successful?"

"They'll let us know in a few weeks."

* * *

Today was my 24th birthday. Usagi-san wanted to celebrate it as lavishly as possible but I wanted a quite, intimate celebration. We just decided to go on a date and explore the beautiful city of London. And in keeping with the tradition, we were currently seated in the London Eye. Usagi-san booked a compartment just for the two of us.

"Misaki…I love you."

"Usagi-san, I have lost count of the number of times you have told me this today."

"But-"

His reply was cut short as his cell started ringing. I looked outside the Eye to give him some privacy. Finally he was done.

"Misaki, I have some very good news."

"Are we going back to Japan?"

"..No. Why? Do you want to?"

"No, it's okay. I'm just a little country-sick, I guess. But I don't care as long as you are here. So what's the good news?"

"It was from the agency. The artificial insemination was successful. She's pregnant."

"Huh…that's great news. Congratulations Usagi-san, you are a father now."

He said nothing but moved to kiss me. I didn't know what I was thinking at that time. A little part of me was sad that I could never give him what some stranger just did. A bigger part was happy for Usagi-san because I knew he wanted this so much. As if sensing my little mellow part, Usagi-san said, "Misaki, this is your child too. I want you to be the one to raise it; it's going to call you daddy. And seriously, I shouldn't be left alone with anyone less than ten years old. You are the one who's going to care for it, how can it not be yours?"

I said nothing; I couldn't say anything to that. I just hugged him tight. He hugged me back even tighter as tears fell through my eyes. Tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of acceptance, tears of love…

"Usagi-san?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you, this is the best birthday present I could have ever had."

* * *

Tbc


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter: 5**

_**(1 year ago)**_

The company takeover rumor turned out to be an actual fact.

And it had profound effect on the workplace. Many of my colleagues could be seen a bit more touchy than usual. The entire month's productivity was more than the previous year's. Efficiency was doubled and coffee breaks halved. The office grapevine had dried and shriveled up. The reason: takeovers usually meant job cuts and many families were dependent on the paycheck.

Personally, I had no reason to depend on the paycheck. I could live my entire life luxuriously without having to work a single day. Nevertheless, I joined in the frantic bid to keep my job simply to maintain good peer relations, if nothing else.

But when my boss asked me to work on a Saturday, I put my foot down. Weekends were the only days I got to spend time with Aki and job or no job I wasn't giving up on that. Yet when my boss asked me to deliver an important file I was working on, on a weekend and asked me with such helplessness, I couldn't say no.

"Aki, we are going to my office."

"But I thought you said we were going to the park?"

"We'll go there once I drop this important file at work. It won't take long."

"Okay"

I never hired any nannies or caretakers to watch over Aki. I wanted to raise him up myself, just like Usagi-san wanted.

Forty five minutes later, Aki and I were entering the main lobby of the bank. I made my way to my boss' office, a file in one hand and Aki in another. Judging by the incredulous look on my son's face, I could tell that he, at least, was enjoying this visit.

"Daddy your office is so much bigger than my school"; he compared as only a child could have.

Knocking on my boss' door, I entered the room only to find myself face to face with Usagi-ani.

What the hell?

"Ah Misaki, thank you for this"

I was still too shocked to reply to him. It all started making sense… Japanese company takeover…the Usami Group takeover.

"Misaki?"

"You know him Mr. Usami? Of course you share the last name. Is he a relative?"

"Yes…Could I have a moment with him?"

"Of course, please use my office. Misaki, he is the new CEO of R&B Bank."

My former boss then left us alone. Usagi-ani was my new boss? I was still too stunned to do anything. It was Aki who broke the silence.

"You know him daddy?"

It seems Usagi-ani hadn't noticed Aki till now. If I was shocked, it was nothing compared to his reaction at seeing my son. He mouthed the word 'Akihiko' and looked enquiringly at me.

"Aki this is Mr. Haruhiko Usami. And yes I know him."

"Hello, my name is Akihiko Usami. We have the same last name. Are we related?"

"I'm your uncle."

"I have another uncle? You mean papa also had a brother? But I've never even met you before. You don't visit me like oji-chan* Takahiro."

"I didn't know Akihiko had a son."

Now both Aki and Usagi-ani were looking at me and demanding an explanation. Needless to say that brought me out of my stupor.

"Uhhh sorry Aki, it never came up before."

How do I tell you that your papa _hated_ his brother?

"My job's done here. Let's go to that park then."

"Misaki…would you and Akihiko like to join me for lunch tomorrow at my family home?"

I still haven't quite forgotten what happened the last time I was at your family home. And I'm not letting you anywhere near Aki.

"Thank you for the offer but we have to decline."

"Papa's family home? Daddy can we go? Please, can we go? Please, daddy?"

No Aki, this curiosity would really kill the cat. Or sprain your ankle.

"Aren't we going to the amusement park tomorrow?"

He didn't reply. I knew he wanted to go to the park more-

"We'll go next Saturday. I really want to see papa's home."

I underestimated how much his papa meant to him. I got a sense of déjà-vu when I, unwillingly, had to give into my son's pleas. Nothing good could come out of this.

* * *

(*A/N: oji-chan: uncle, formal is oji-san)

_**(5 years ago)**_

Not good! Not good! Not good! Where is the stupid rabbit?

Usami Misaki was pacing the waiting room at the London Hospital. An hour ago he received a message from the agency that the surrogate mother had gone into labor. He informed Usagi-san and rushed to the hospital. That was three hours ago and Usagi-san still hadn't showed up.

If you miss this Usami Akihiko, I'm never going to forgive you!

The last nine months had passed in a flurry of activities. First, I signed Usagi-san up for baby classes. At least he was now better at child care than cooking. Next, I had to stop Usagi-san from going completely overboard with decorating the baby room. He wanted to decorate two rooms, one for a boy and one for a girl because we decided not find out the sex of the baby beforehand. After much arguing and scolding on my part, he agreed on decorating a single room with neutral theme. He sulked for two weeks after that.

That still didn't stop him from collecting another massive number of Suzuki-sans, add to that the room full of bears in Tokyo, well we could open our very own bear shop. But I've never seen him so happy. He stopped smoking, he was cheerful most of the time and it was infectious. I think he was finally feeling like a normal and happy family man.

"Misaki, did I miss it?"

"Usagi-san thank God you are here. No you didn't but where were you? Why did it take you three hours to get here?"

"I was busy…"

I didn't get to ponder that statement as there was nurse coming towards us with a bundle in her arms. We both stood still as she approached us.

She smiled and said, "Congratulations, it's a boy!"

Usagi-san and I exchanged quick, stunned looks with each other and I reached forward to hold the newest member of our family.

He was…pink and hardly bigger than a loaf of bread. As I settled him in my arms, he opened his eyes and Usagi-san's eyes were staring at me.

"He…he has your eyes Usagi-san."

For the first time in my memory Usagi-san did not reply back. If he wasn't so averse to displaying his emotions in public, I'm sure Usagi-san would have tears in his eyes. Not limited by such inhibitions I felt one and two drop from my own eyes. Still Usagi-san said nothing but stared with a kind of painful intensity at his son.

Then he did something that shocked me even more than the little Usami's presence in my arms.

"Misaki…words fail me…I don't know what I'm feeling right now", and there on his cheek was a single drop of tear.

_Nii-chan, I think I'm in love all over again…_

I moved closer to him and he put his arms around my waist. We both looked at the precious bundle in my arms. I don't know what made me say the next few words but dear God it felt so right saying them.

"Welcome to our family Usami Akihiko Junior."

* * *

Living with a newborn infant was in many ways similar to living with Usagi-san. Both needed my 24/7 care and attention, both kept me up all night (though for different reasons), both knew how to throw a temper tantrum (I still think Usagi-san's was worse) and both made my heart melt with their smiles.

If I thought being a father would make Usagi-san more mature then I hoped in vain. It seems he and Aki made a pact to be as childishly cute (and annoying) as possible. Between the two of them I hardly ever have time for myself. But at night when Usagi-san slips away silently to tend to Aki so that I can have some rest and ends up falling asleep in the rocking chair with Aki in his arms, I can't help but think _Nii-chan, life's good…

* * *

_Tbc

Edited on March 17, 2010. Just added the word 'smiles'.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter: 6**

_**(1 year ago)**_

The Usami family's…

"Daddy? I thought we were going to papa's family home, not the museum?"

…British home…

"This is your papa's family home."

"………Daddy?"

…was…

"Yes Aki?"

"Was papa a king?"

…a bloody castle!

"…No, just very, very, very rich."

* * *

Once upon a time I though Usagi-san's apartment was unnecessarily spacious. Then, I saw his Tokyo family home. After that, I saw his manor in Buckinghamshire. But this! This just takes the cake.

"Aki stay close to daddy. I don't want you to get lost."

I imagined the vast labyrinth that we were passing through to have been placed specifically to lose any pursuers. I also guessed that someone might just die of hunger trying to find their way out once lost.

"Aki…hold my hand."

* * *

We had lunch at one of the 'smaller' and 'informal' dinning rooms. By that it meant the whole place was larger than our house and the table could seat twenty.

All through lunch Usagi-ani kept talking to Aki. This surprised me a little as he didn't like Usagi-san at all. But there was nothing forced about the small conversations he was making with my son. In fact there was a hint of relief in his eyes and he seemed very relaxed at having lunch with a miniature Usagi-san. He even indulged in some childhood stories about Usagi-san. Of course that made him Aki's new best friend.

Well things were progressing much better than I anticipated until Aki said those dreaded words during our tour of the house (castle).

"Me? I like mangoes."

I looked up with horror at Usagi-ani. He smirked.

_Nii-chan, I hope you like mangoes…_

* * *

_**(5 years ago)**_

"Nii-chan, he's gone."

And everything turned black.

* * *

I woke up to find myself alone in our bed.

Usagi-san must be with Aki.

But there was no else in Aki's room, just a one month old baby boy sleeping soundly in his cot. Where is Usagi-san?

There was a sound of retching coming from the bathroom. I hastily made my there only to find Usagi-san doubled up over the sink.

Vomiting blood…

"Usagi-san? What-?"

"Misaki –cough- you are awake?"

"What…what? Usagi-san! Hospital, right now!"

"No it's okay."

"Okay?! YOU ARE COUGHING UP BLOOD. OF COURSE IT'S NOT OKAY. I'M CALLING THE AMBULANCE!"

I turned to the door only to be stopped by Usagi-san's next words, "No Misaki, they told me this would happen."

"Who? What are you talking about?"

I could hear Aki crying in his room. All that shouting must have woken him up.

"Usagi-san you are telling me **everything** once I get Aki calmed down. And I mean everything!"

* * *

Once I heard his explanation I wished I hadn't woken up that day. I wished I could deny, feign ignorance, all in the hopes that what he was saying wasn't true.

_Usagi-san was dying…_

"When did you find out?"

"Two years ago, before I asked you to marry me."

I told him, I told him he would die young. I told him to cut back on smoking but he never listened to me. Usagi-san had lung cancer, stage 4.

"How much more…"

"Time I have? A year if I'm lucky."

A year…twelve months…365 days…just that much? A year? One year, that's all? I was too numb, too shocked to do anything but stare at the wall. Again and again the words 'one year' kept flashing in my mind. I didn't even know I was crying, you could have cut my limbs and I wouldn't have felt anything. All I knew, all I was aware of the fact was…

_Usagi-san was dying…_

* * *

Aki was eight months old today. Far from celebrating that fact, I wasn't even aware I had left a son back home with nii-chan's wife. The only thing I knew was Usagi-san was here, in the hospital…

"Misaki, look at me!"

"…no"

"Misaki, wipe those tears and look at me!"

"No, you don't even deserve it! You are leaving me alone…all alone…why should I look at you?"

"Misaki…please?"

Damn that voice! Damn stupid Usagi, damn him! He's…leaving me…I turned to look at him. It wasn't a pretty sight: Usagi-san had lost a lot of weight and there were dark circles under his eyes. But to me he was still the same Usagi-san, the gorgeous man I had once compared to roses.

"What?"

"I don't want to die…"

Five words, those five little words broke all the restraint I had ever mustered up. In no time I was clinging onto him, crying my heart out. I didn't care that he might get hurt because I was holding too tight. I never, ever wanted to let go of him. I wanted him to stay, I wanted to shield him from any angels of death, I wanted to tell them to take me too…How could I ever live without him? I can't even imagine a life without my Usagi-san…

"Misaki, please don't forget me once I die…"

Is he crazy? Forget him? I could just as easily claw out my heart with a rusty nail.

"I love you, you heard that? I love you, you stupid rabbit. How could you ever even think that I could forget you? Misaki forget his Usagi-san? Hospital food is making you crazy, you moron!"

"Misaki I'm selfish. I don't think I even deserve your love."

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"When I found out I was dying, all I could think about was that you'd forget me once I died. I didn't want that, I didn't want to die with that knowledge that you'd forget me. So I asked you to marry me. I didn't want a child but I thought…I thought my child would be the best way to make sure that you didn't forget me....."

Is that the only reason why he wanted a child?

"…But the day I saw my son in your arms…I knew then I loved him as much I loved you. Misaki, I want to raise Aki with you…I want to spoil him…I want to watch him grow up…I want to get old with you…I don't want to die…I love you Misaki…I'm just so-"

I didn't let him finish that self-accusation. I kissed him; I kissed him with all my heart and let that kiss settle his doubts. I kissed him to say…_it's okay, I don't think you are selfish, I love you and I want to raise our son with you too…_

I think he got the message.

* * *

It was twilight, neither here nor there. The entire world seemed to be silent in wake of the approaching night. The hospital itself was eerily quiet.

At that moment when the sky seemed to burn with setting sun, Usagi-san breathed his last.

"Nii-chan, he's gone."

And everything turned black.

* * *

Tbc...

A/N: This made me cry writing it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter: 7**

A/N: It's an email, not a letter. Nee-chan: sister (in law), oi-kun: nephew, mei-chan: niece, and this fiction follows the anime story-line not the manga (I haven't actually read the manga…*ashamed*). Any quotes you recognize are not mine.

A/I: The funeral is Japanese style. A 'wake' is held a day before the cremation. It's when a priest talks about the achievements in deceased life and stuff. Next of kin stay at funeral home that night as the deceased is not supposed to be left alone. The deceased is cremated the next day (bones are not pulverized) and the next of kin perform a ceremony called 'bone picking' (yeah literally pick the bones with mismatched chopsticks).Then the ashes (bones) are kept in the house in an urn for 50 days or so and then buried.

* * *

_**(1 year ago)**_

**From**: Usami Misaki

**To**: Takahashi Takahiro

**Subject**: Aki's 5th birthday

Dear Nii-chan,

How are you? I hope you, nee-chan, oi-kun and mei-chan are doing well. I'm fine, Aki says hi.

Today we celebrated Aki's fifth birthday. I can't believe he is five already. He's growing up too fast! We had a little party for his friends from school and neighborhood. Everyone loved the mangoes, mango shake and mango cake that I made. I've finally finished those mangoes I was talking about earlier. Aki wanted you here for his big day. But he had to make do with his other oji-chan.

Usami Akihiko **wanted** Usami Haruhiko to attend his birthday party.

At least Usagi-ani agreed to stop his mango offensive but it was mainly because Aki said he was tired of eating them all the time. All in all, it wasn't as bad as it could have been I suppose. I mean it's not every day you get to see Usami Haruhiko, heir of Usami Group, with a red blindfold, trying to hit the piñata. (I'm attaching the pictures as proof). He looked good in casuals and without his trademark 'serious face'.

You know nii-chan; this has also made me realize that Usamis, no matter their age, are hopeless at life. Usagi-ani brought Aki a remote controlled plane, ship AND train as a gift. His reasoning was that he didn't know what a five year old would like more: air, water or earth. But my Aki is a born and bred Usami too, he looked at his gifts and said, "But oji-chan, I want to go into space!"

-___________-…………………Yeah that was my reaction too. True Usamis are a different species of living beings: I'm convinced.

Aki's getting really fond of Usagi-ani. I don't know how this is going to end in future nii-chan, but Aki's happy and hence I am too.

Anyway, I have to go read Aki a bed time story now. I just hope he can fall asleep after all the sugar he had at the party.

I'll talk to you later. Give my love to everyone there.

Love,

Misaki

* * *

_**(5 years ago)**_

It was cold in the funeral home.

"_Usagi-san! It's minus five degrees outside. Why in the hell are you turning down the heat?"_

"_So that Misaki has no choice but to sleep with me if he wants to stay warm"_

How do I stay warm now, Usagi-san?

* * *

_What a dirty way of crying…__  
I'll tell you something. I have never cried in front of anybody since I was born except you…  
You don't understand yet exactly what it means to have Usami-sensei fall for you…  
That's why, at that moment, I thought, "Yes, he's the one."…  
I don't ever want to see the one I love taken from me before my eyes again…  
Time's up. I was going to wait for you but this is it…  
It's because you are in love with me…  
I'm not giving you up…  
I've got to have more of you…  
I love you, that's why!  
I love you...  
I love you…  
I love you Misaki…  
Misaki…Misaki…_

"…Misaki? Misaki?"

"Usagi-san……Usagi-ani?"

"Your cell-phone is ringing."

The night before the cremation and after the wake, Usagi-ani and I stayed with Usagi-san at the funeral home. He didn't bother me, no that I would have even noticed.

"Hello?"

"Misaki, it's me nii-chan. How are we going to get Aki to the funeral home?"

"Aki? What's wrong with him?"

"Misaki, he needs to be there for the bone picking ceremony of his father."

My son, my eight month old son……no he doesn't, WILL NOT go through that…I was eight when we had my parent's funeral. Collecting their still warm bones changed me; it completely destroyed my innocence, any that had survived their deaths. My son will not do that…

"Nii-chan, he will not go through that. I know this is his duty as Usagi-san's son but he is eight MONTHS old. No one here knows Usagi-san ever had a child, he does not need to do this…"

"Misaki, have you gone completely insane? Do you want Usagi to suffer in hell? Besides Aki will not remember this…"

"Usagi-san would not want his son to suffer either. Nii-chan don't, just don't. He's the only one I have left. This isn't just about remembering nii-chan, it's the principle of the thing. Besides, there is press here; Usagi-san's whole family is here. I can't let them take him away from me. Please nii-chan, please?"

"……This is on your head Misaki."

"Thank you, nii-chan."

* * *

I couldn't live at his home anymore. Every room, every door, the very stones themselves were too entrenched with Usagi-san's memories. The huge house felt so empty, so very empty and cold without him.

I spent every day, every night after the funeral in Aki room. It was safe there: Usagi-san never touched me there, my son was there, it was safe…it was…

Painted by Usagi-san, decorated by Usagi-san, filled with Suzuki-sans, the rocking chair was his, he stuck that sticker on the pram, he hung that picture on the wall…

I was slowly going insane. It was like living with a part of my consciousness dead. I couldn't go on anymore. I had to leave this. I wanted it to end…I wanted to die…

A sharp wail and Aki was whimpering in his cot.  
Oh God when was the last time I fed him?

It was as if someone had jerked me back to reality, albeit very rudely, in the face of my infant son. Aki, Usami Akihiko, Usagi-san's son…

By next week, Aki and I were living in the Greenwich residential area. I locked down the house, left Usagi-san's urn there until the burial next month and started searching for a job.

It was what he wanted; it was something he rarely got…And now his son would have it…A loving father and a normal, happy family.

* * *

Tbc


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter: 8  
**

A/N: The only time leap now is going to be 1 year ago. Usagi-san's story is sadly over. Filler chapter, much more in the next one.

_**(1 year ago)**_

"Aki. No. More!"

"But daddy…"

"No more chocolates. I mean it."

"But daddy oji-chan sent them to me. He said I could have as many as I wanted."

Usami Haruhiko had sent my son a 'little' souvenir from his trip to Paris. Did I mention that that was a month ago? And that the souvenir was still far from finished, even with a sugar-crazed five year old in the house?

"And does oji-chan spend two hours to get you calmed down for bed? Is he there when you wake up tired and cranky for school?"

"No…"

"So who are you going to listen to?"

"Daddy. But…"

Now he was giving me the bane of fathers' existence everywhere: the dreaded puppy dog eyes and Aki's special Usami pout. Do I even stand a chance?

"One. Just one. And then you are going straight for a bath."

"You are the best daddy in the whole wide world."

When your son says something like that to you and says it with such sincerity in his eyes like nothing in the world could ever refute his claim, you can't help but be a little grateful to life. Nothing could ever compare to this…

* * *

"U-sa-mi, the boss wants to see-you."

Was it just me or the boss wanted to see me a lot more than necessary these days? And for such an all-round rich and important guy, Usagi-ani sure spent a lot of time in our humble bank.

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Yes, we need to go to Paris."

"Excuse me?"

"The company we are collaborating with to expand our business to France has scheduled a meeting for tomorrow. And you are the one who has been working on the project, right? So you need to give a presentation tomorrow."

"But shouldn't the team leader do that?"

"His wife went into labor today. He is on a one week paternity leave."

Oh just my luck…Well I have been working pretty hard on the project and it sure would be nice to be the one presenting it. But I can't, there's no one to take care of Aki.

"Sorry sir but I can't. My colleague would be more than happy to take this opportunity."

"Why?"

"I have no one to look after my son."

"Misaki, it's a day trip. We will be going in the morning, returning by evening. The flight is an hour long. Aki will be in school for most of the time. And I can have my secretary watch him over till we return."

This would be a great step for my career. And…he's right. I don't want to miss this opportunity. Besides Paris is just a stone throw away. If anything went wrong, I could always catch the Eurostar.

"Okay sir."

* * *

Aki's babysitter for the day was Miss Jean Treanor…The universe just loves to screw with me, doesn't it?

"Okay Aki, one last time. The number one's for?"

"Your cell number"

"Two?"

"Oji-chan's cell number"

"And the big red button?"

"999, police number"

"And while I'm away you will?"

"Listen to Miss Treanor, not give her any trouble, sleep at 9pm and stay away from the chocolate cupboard. And if anything happens, I will call you."

I hugged him as he repeated those guidelines I had pretty much hammered into his little head. I had brought him a kids' mobile phone with a GPS tracker. It wasn't that I didn't trust Miss Treanor but parents everywhere knew to follow that one golden rule when it came to their kids: never take chances.

"All right. She will pick you up after school."

"Bye daddy"

"Take care, and call me if anything happens. Go straight to home after school. Lunch and dinner is in the fridge. Ask Miss Treanor to heat them for you and-"

"Daddy, it's okay. I'll be fine. Go before you miss your plane."

I hugged him one last time and kissed him on the forehead. I had never, ever left him alone before. It was just so hard doing it right now…

_Usagi-san, watch over him…_

* * *

Tbc


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter: 9**

_**(1 year ago)**_

"Is anything ever normal with you people?"

I really should have anticipated this.

"Huh?"

"I thought we were flying to Paris?"

I mean I was married to one. This really shouldn't have surprised me so much.

"Misaki, we are in a plane."

A plane he says. Makes it sound so normal.

"A chartered plane! A chartered plane that has 'Usami Group' written on it! Again, do you even know what normal is?"

"Ah I had a hunch you'd say that. So I got my assistant to book a light jet. This only seats six…That's normal, isn't it?"

"Forget I asked."

_Nii-chan_…you know what? Forget that too…

* * *

To those who say that Paris is a beautiful city at night, you have to see it during the day. The wind is on your face, the sun is shining, the Eiffel Tower looms in the background and Paris opens its arms to embrace you. It is charmante.

The meeting took most of the morning and half of the afternoon. Everyone looked suitably impressed with my presentation. I think we'll get that deal, no problem. Since we had already missed lunch, Usagi-ani suggested we head over to his 'little cottage' on the outskirts of Paris for a late lunch.

"Define little cottage."

"It's not a chateau really. It's more like a hôtel particulier. It's really a little cottage."

"My French never progressed beyond bonjour. And you know there is a huge difference between normal 'little' and Usami 'little'?"

At those words Usagi-ani turned completely to face me. He hands were crossed over his chest and there was a stubborn tilt to his chin. The expression was so endearingly familiar to me through my son that I almost smiled. Of course, any thoughts of humor vanished with his next words, "Fine. It is four bedroom house on half an acre area………I told you it was little."

_Nii-chan, I feel the rising urge to harm him a little…Usami little._

* * *

We were having lunch in the solarium; it was really quite a beautiful room.

"Haruhiko-san? May I ask a favor?"

"Hmm?"

"Please no more souvenirs for Aki. We still haven't finished the last one and I really don't want to spoil him so much. I want him to have a normal childhood, just common normal."

Usagi-ani said nothing. He got up from his chair and moved to look out the window. After a pensive silence, he replied. It wasn't a voice I recognized.

"I knew sooner or later you wouldn't want me interfering in Aki's life. I guess it was sooner…"

"Haruhiko-san, what are you-?"

"Akihiko and I were strangers at best and enemies at worst. I'm not going to deny hating him, it was mutual…we both grew up that way. But I never wanted him dead. And when died, so young, I felt like I was cheated out of a lifetime of hating him..."

What is he on about?

"Akihiko always did what he wanted. So he always got what he desired. He made a successful career out of his hobby, he married the person I love…he's dead now but it feels like he lived more than I ever did."

Love…? As in present tense?

"When I first saw Aki, I felt the old hate rejuvenate inside of me. I thought I could go back to hating my brother through his son. But a child's innocence is a curious thing, Misaki. I feel no hatred towards your son, towards his son; on the contrary I'm quite fond of him. I feel like this is my second chance with Akihiko to finally bury the bitter past. But really, who was I fooling? I'm sorry that I've been causing you trouble…"

All this time…his impassive face…the serious demeanor was nothing but a façade to hide his real emotions. I, like many others, always took his countenance to mean that he was incapable of compassion, of hurt, of hope, of love…of feeling in general. Now that he has lain himself so bare in front of me, I realized my mistake…I had forgotten that he was only human…

How long have you been hiding behind yours masks Haruhiko-san? When was the last time you let your guard down and just been the human you are…Have you _ever_ let your guard down?

I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me with those unguarded eyes that did nothing to hide the swirl of emotions behind them. At that moment, I realized that Haruhiko-san was no different from Usagi-san. Here was someone who had also built glass walls around his vulnerable heart to shield it from the harsh faces of reality without realizing that he was trapping the pain inside rather than keeping it out.

As these thoughts went through my mind I felt a pair of lips on mine. But they were removed as quickly as they came. I saw Haruhiko-san look at me with eyes full of uncertainty, questions, request and a little amount of fear as though he expected me to slap him for his insolence and run away screaming about perverted old men.

How do I reply to such vulnerability? I honestly didn't know the answer. The only relationship I had been was one of forceful convictions and obnoxious self-confidence. So how do I deal with this uncertainty?

I kissed him back…

* * *

I must have dozed off. Haruhiko-san was no where to be seen. I picked up my pants from the floor. My cell-phone fell out of the pocket. Oh shit! I think I forgot to turn off the silent mode after the meeting.

I had three successive miscalls.

All from Aki's mobile.

Oh no…

* * *

Tbc

A/N: Yeah they went all the way.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter: 10**

A/N: To those wondering, Haruhiko was in the shower. His absence earlier was hardly significant.

_**(1 year ago)**_

"Can't this thing go any faster?"

"Misaki we are in a plane. I just can't walk up to the captain and ask him to floor it."

Ha ha. I'm so amused.

"Misaki relax. Calm down, I'm sure it's nothing."

"CALM DOWN? _CALM DOWN?!_ I'M COMPLETELY CALM. UNTIL I SEE MY SON, THIS IS MY CALM FACE!"

I heard him mutter something about 'mother bears.' Bears? Why was he bothered about bears when my son was in trouble? My poor Aki! He could be injured…or kidnapped…and crying for his daddy…..

"…Misaki?"

"**WHAT?**"

"I'm just saying that he could be just missing you?"

"Then why in the hell isn't he picking up his cell or the home phone?"

"What does the GPS say?"

"The cell is at home. My son isn't."

"Maybe they went to the park?"

I glared at him. He shut up.

* * *

I left Haruhiko-san to deal with the procedures at the airport. I had to get to my son, as fast as possible.  
Four speeding tickets later, I was barging into my own home.

And there, sitting on the sofa, sipping tea, was Usagi-chichi…

Wait, what?!

"What are you doing in my house?"

"Waiting for you, of course"

"Where is my son?"

"Where a Usami belongs. He's at the family home."

"You kidnapped my son? What in the hell did you do to him?"

"Takahashi-kun-"

"Usami"

"Yes, unfortunately…but to me you'll always be Takahashi-kun. Anyways as I was saying, I'm his grandfather. It's not kidnapping, it's parenting."

Is this guy for real?

"Well unfortunately for you, I am his father. And you are breaking and entering and kidnapping. Give him back before I call the cops on you."

"Prove it. Prove you are his father. By blood, I am his next of kin."

What…?

"Takahashi-kun, I once told you I had a duty to protect my family. I regret not being able to save my son but I will not fail my grandson."

He's blaming me…for Usagi-san's death. He's…I can't believe it. He thinks I'm a danger to my own son?

"It was rather cunning of you to keep my grandson's existence a complete secret from the world. You didn't even allow him to perform his father's last rites. And then you disappeared with him just as I found out about him. Clearly I underestimated you…But no matter, it won't happen again. My grandson is safe, he is where he belongs."

That snapped something inside of me. Aki belonged to me!

"You are wrong. I was legally married to Usagi-san. I have also legally adopted his son as mine. By British law, he belongs to me."

"Ah but you are Japanese. My grandson is Japanese by descent. And in Japan, your farce of a marriage has no legal standing whatsoever."

"Well tough luck to you, we are in the UK. And my son is British: he was born here; his father was a citizen of this country. And in this country, not even his blood grandfather can take him away from me."

"Ah you'll see that's where you are wrong. I can and I have taken him from you. You kept him from his blood kin; you kept him from my son's last rites. You are the guilty one here, both morally and legally. Add to that the fact that you practically kidnapped him from Akihiko's house, I may as well celebrate winning the guardianship."

"I did not kidnap my son! And I didn't keep him from his blood kin."

"Then how do you explain that he didn't even know I _existed_ before I met him? He was all so sweet saying he was happy that his papa's papa was alive. Of course he didn't want to come with me, he insisted on calling you. But oh how luck favors the fortunate! You didn't even pick up the phone."

…I…what have I done?

"Misaki, did you find him?"

It was the worst possible time for Haruhiko-san's entrance. He looked momentarily stunned at seeing his father there. But the shock was instantaneously replaced by anger.

"You _didn't_!"

Huh? It's like he was expecting this…

"Ah Haruhiko I'm glad you are here. Actually I'm not. I'd rather have my family back home than here. Let's go."

"Where's Aki?"

"Don't worry, he's where he was always supposed to be. And we can finally move back to Japan. The objective behind the takeover is now complete."

The takeover…it was planned? And Haruhiko-san _knew_ all about this?

"Don't seem so surprised Takahashi-kun; you compelled me to play dirty. After you vanished with Akihiko's son, I had no choice but to be subtle, to play underhand. The takeover was nothing but my means of trapping your wandering ways. I'm glad it has succeeded."

I turned to Usagi-ani, "You knew? You knew everything? It was all a ploy to get my son?"

"He told me the night you and Aki came for lunch. I didn't know before that."

Betrayal…I cannot even begin to describe what it feels like.  
Conflicts…I'm conflicted between collapsing on the floor and going on a murderous rampage.

I let the latter win.

"Out. Get OUT. Both of you OUT! Get out of my house."

And as I heard the door slam, I let the former get the best of me.

* * *

Tbc

A/N: To the angry mob of readers…flame away.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter: 11**

A/N: A line from Savage Garden's Affirmation. I disclaim. Any quotes you recognize are also not mine.

_**(1 year ago)**_

He's gone.

_Nii-chan, he's gone…_

He's gone.

_Nii-chan, he's gone…_

My son…he took him. He took him away from me. He's gone.

xxxx

_Usami Akihiko  
__Loving father__  
Over-bearing husband__  
Hopeless cook  
Pure Hearted Romanticist_

'_I believe in love surviving death into eternity.'_

xxxx

"_So now dada is going to change you and then dada will get your bottle and Aki will fall asleep in dada's arms."_

"_Misaki, why are referring to yourself in the third person?"_

"_Usagi-san I'm teaching Aki to call me dada. He should start speaking any time now."_

"_And calling yourself dada helps?"_

"_Yes, according to the baby books it does. And I've already got a two week head start on you Usagi-san. I bet his first words are dada."_

"_Aki, say pa-pa."_

"_HA, you really think it's going to work the first time?"_

"…_pah…pah…"_

"_You were saying?"_

"_Your son is a Usami, what else did I expect?"_

Xxxx

"_Usagi-san, what is this?"_

"_Huh? They said in the baby classes that I was supposed to buy you all these. They said it's really important in the later months."_

"_Usagi-san, these are pregnancy pants. I don't need them. I'm not even pregnant."_

"_Want to change that?"_

"_Wha…Usagi-san no, I have a class in ten min-ahhhh"_

Xxxx

"_With this ring I pledge my love to you. I love you."_

"_You may now commence your matrimony with a kiss."_

"_Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the newly wed couple, Akihiko Usami and Misaki Usami…"_

"_Misaki Usami…"_

"_Usami…"_

"_Usami…"_

"Usami…Misaki Usami."

As I whispered my identity to myself, I felt the raging storm of conflict subside within me. If I was a Usami, it was time I started acting like one.

"_You just spun the most blatantly self-serving tale I've ever heard!"_

"_Beautiful results, that's all that matters."_

Fuyuhiko-san you expected a weakling that'll let you walk all over him, didn't you? Why else would you even dare to touch my son, let alone kidnap him? You expected Takahashi Misaki here…

"_Who in the hell do you think I am?"_

Just who in the hell do you think I am? You insulted me, my love to my deceased partner, my integrity and on top of that you pissed off a father…a Usami father.

You think I'll break down because you managed to take Aki away from my home? You think you can throw your money around and steal what never belonged to you? Well newsflash to you, I'm rich, Usami rich. Usagi-san left me everything, everything including the royalty to his books which alone are in seven figures. If you fight dirty, I'll fight Usagi-san dirty. If you take this to the court, I have enough funds, enough credibility as a father to give back as good as I get…

*Ding Dong*

Who the…?

I opened the door to receive an armful of a very excited five year old.

"Daddy!"

"Aki! Aki you are here. How..?"

And standing on the doormat, with a porch-light directly above his head like some grotesque imitation of a halo, was Haruhiko-san.

Usami Misaki's perception of reality was destroyed for the third time that night.

* * *

A/N: I'm evil. Actually this is the first part of the chapter. Can't help but delete the second part and leave you all with a cliffe. Hehe, what's the deal with Usagi-ani? Is he good? Is he bad?  
I just think he's a very complex person. Flame away....


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter: 12**

A/N: Any quotes you recognize (the ones you read before my fic) are not mine. Translation for the text is at the bottom.

_**(1 week ago)**_

Bonjour! Mon nom est Usami Misaki. J'ai 28 ans. Je vis à Paris avec mon fils de cinq ans, Aki."

The presentation had been a success and I was transferred to the Paris branch of R&B Usami Banque, with a promotion. Aki and I have been living here for a few months now. I'm proud to announce that my son is multi-lingual at five. My French's improved drastically too.

Nii-chan and his family were here for their summer vacation. It was nice to be among family in a foreign land. As much as I think Paris is a beautiful city, it just doesn't compare to my home in Tokyo…in London. Nii-chan and I were currently having coffee in one of the cafes near the base of Eiffel tower which was lit up in the evening sky. Elle était magnifique.*

"Misaki?"

"Hmm?"

"You need an intervention."

"What?"

"I'm talking about you and Haruhiko."

There's absolutely nothing to talk about that. I told him so.

"Oh I think there is. After you told me about Usagi's feeling towards me in high school, I consider myself relatively blind towards other's emotions. But now I can see that you are suffering from the same curse too."

"Curse?"

"I call it the Takahashi curse. We are completely oblivious to the ones who need us the most."

I said nothing. I just swirled the coffee in my cup, an accurate representation of the thoughts in my head. What do you say when your brother, the person who never once realized his best friend was in love with him for ten years, starts giving you relationship advice? What does it tell about you when even he starts to notice?

"You have to understand that Usagi and Haruhiko were brought up in completely different environment that we were-"

Yes nii-chan, I know, I know that the lap of luxury has the Usami lap of luxury in it.

"-and not just in the sense of wealth. I think the best example here would be…well I found out Usagi had a brother at a party he threw at the beginning of grade 2.* Usagi said it was for us becoming juniors but I later found out his brother had topped the entrance exam to University of Tokyo. He never threw a party for us becoming seniors or even graduating. And not even one for his book getting published. Take that as you will."

"_Thank you for the flowers you were kind enough to send the other day."_

"_Flowers? Oh, my secretary must have sent them. I had nothing to do with it."_

You know, I'm beginning to doubt that last part. Trust a Usami to know how to hate someone yet care for them…Is _anything_ ever normal with these people?

"I don't know nii-chan. I really don't know."

"Then ask the person who knows."

Who can I ask? The answer is obvious even without asking. Usagi-san…I think it's time for a little trip to London.

* * *

Exactly two hours and forty minutes later I was exiting the Eurostar at the London station. It was time to put this whole mess in order. I never thought I'd be seeking Usagi-san for _order_ in my life. But I just needed to ask him this. Anything, any sign, anything from him about what I should do next…I needed that right now.

The night was steadily falling as the taxi sped away to the graveyard. It was pitch dark when we finally reached there. There was no moon illuminating the path tonight.

"Usagi-san, how are you? I'm sorry Aki and Suzuki-san are not here. I'll bring them around at the usual date. It's just me; I wanted to ask you something."

I felt the words dry up in my throat as memories began to resurface.

"_Misaki, please don't forget me once I die…"_

"I will never forget you Usagi-san. I love you; I did then as I do now. I was married to you damn it! But…"

Don't you think I should move on?

"I'm not saying I love him more than you. You know that but he needs me. He needs me like you needed me back then. I think_ I _need someone like that. Back then when he was mouthing off about your books, I _hated_ him. Then, I found out he wasn't much different from you. But I chose you; I don't regret choosing you…"

And he still loved me. You know all about that level of devotion Usagi-san because that was what you showed my brother before we got together. He could have hated Aki, he could have never returned him back to me, knowing that your son would be miserable without his daddy but he didn't. He gave him back; he defied his father to make sure your son was happy. And it wasn't for me; Haruhiko-san accepts that I may never choose him…

But when fate gave him a second chance with the person he loved; he snatched it with both hands…

xxxx

"_Aki! Aki you are here. How...?"_

_And standing on the doormat, with a porch-light directly above his head like some grotesque imitation of a halo, was Haruhiko-san._

"_Daddy I met papa's papa today. He came here and I was bored so he said I could visit his castle. I called you to ask if it's okay to go but you didn't pick up the phone…"_

"_Daddy is so sorry for that. He forgot to turn off the silent mode after the meeting."_

"_Yeah that's what jiji-chan* said, that you were in a meeting. And I didn't want to disturb oji-chan so I went with him. You know I met papa's mommy too! She gave me cake and showed me papa's baby pictures. He looked just like me but then I think I feel asleep…I didn't take a nap today at school, sorry. Oji-chan woke me up just now and brought me here."_

_I'm confused doesn't even begin to describe it. Just what was the deal with Haruhiko-san?_

"_Misaki, may I have a word?"_

"_Goodbye's one, isn't it?"_

"_Please Misaki?"_

"_You think-?"_

_Just then Aki gave a very loud yawn. I didn't want to argue in front of my son. Giving Haruhiko-san a look that said plainly 'wait here if you want to talk and don't bother coming in', I went upstairs to put my son to bed._

"_What is it?"_

"_Your eyes…"_

"_Ex-excuse me?"_

"_I fell in love with your eyes, that day we met at the Yamate Line. It wasn't because you were kind to that old lady or you defended Akihiko or that you were Akihiko's lover. I feel in love with you because your eyes were the most beautiful I had ever seen. They shone with kindness when you offered me help, they were vibrant when you talked about Akihiko's award and indignant when I said Akihiko was a dull writer…."_

_He chuckled at that…All Usami's are nothing but a bunch of pure hearted romanticist, aren't they?_

"_But they were also dead that night in the funeral home. And during the bone picking ceremony they had an aura of protectiveness in them, as if you were the guardian of the most precious secret in the world. And you were, you were guarding Aki's existence."_

_I could do nothing but stare at him. I'm pretty sure my eyes were saying, 'What the hell is going on in here?' just then._

"_You didn't chose me then, you won't choose me now but when my father gave me an opportunity to be with you for a few more months, to see you a few more times, I couldn't say no. Believe me I _never_ signed up for taking you son away from you. I just wanted a few more memories with you…I'm sorry, I'm just so hopelessly in love with you. Just don't ever be like you were at the night of the wake…"_

_With that declaration Usami Haruhiko turned around and walked towards his car. I did nothing to stop him but I couldn't bring myself to slam the door at his retreating form._

_Usami Misaki's perception of reality was destroyed for the third time that night._

xxxx

"Haruhiko-san didn't bother me after that nor did Fuyuhiko-san. I got a promotion and moved to Paris. He left someone else in charge and moved back to Japan. I haven't seen him since then. Aki misses him…"

Usagi-san, please, please, what should I do? Even nii-chan noticed something. He kept saying that I looked as miserable as I did when you died and that it was high time I was with someone who loved me unconditionally…I think he was trying to hint something then; today I _know_ he was talking about Haruhiko-san.

"Usagi-san, I will never forget you. No-one can ever replace what you are to me. But everyone deserves a little happiness, don't they? Had you never moved on from my brother, we would have never been together. I wasn't a substitute, I know. Is it okay for me to give the person who has been in love with me for almost a decade, a chance?"

I didn't know how long I was kneeling at his grave. I was just so confused, I needed answers. I wanted to move on but I also wanted to just stay there till I was with Usagi-san once more. I didn't know what to do…

When I finally looked up, I was surprised to see the sky lightening. It seems I was here all night. The sun was just peeking and coloring the sky a rosy red and I could hear birds chirping at a distance. Dawn had arrived.

A morning breeze was blowing. It swept across my tear-stained face, chilling me and brought with it the smell of…strawberries?

What...?

I blew my nose on a handkerchief and sniffed again. It was definitely the smell of strawberries. And it was heavy as thought there was a garden of it nearby. Like a puppet, I moved towards the source of the smell, trying to locate it and remember just why it was so important?

I passed the graveyard gate and there, in front of the keeper's house was a garden full of strawberry plants. And they were budding; little red strawberries were peeking out of the falling flower petals. I don't know why but that sight made me smile.

"_V-E-G-E-T-A-B-L-E-S…what does that read to daddy?"_

Now the sign read 'STRAWBERRIES'.

Why was this important? How does this help…?

"_Then what _do_ you like?"_

"_I guess, strawberries?"_

Read you loud and clear Usagi-san. _Nii-chan, you got your wish, I'm returning to Japan with you._

* * *

Tbc

A/I: *I don't speak French. Google translates the above as 'Hello! My name is Usami Misaki. I am 28 years old. I live in Paris with my five year old son Aki.' And 'It was magnificient.' Also, Japanese high school education begins from 10th grade; it is classified as grade 1, 2 and 3 which is sophomore, junior and senior year respectively in Western system. Jiji-chan=grandfather.

A/N: Just one chapter and an epilogue left…*sigh* I'm going to miss this. Flame away...

Edited on 21st March 2010, thank you to Mrs. Kusama (unsigned) for correcting my French. I hope it is okay now :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter: 13**

_**(Present time)**_

"Yes Akihiko, it was your papa's room."

"Daddy is that my room now? Please, please?"

"Sure."

I smiled at him. He ran off to one of the rooms, no doubt to play with whatever was in there. Usagi-san…this apartment feels so empty without him. I'll always love him. Just right now I have someone who needs me just as much; everyone deserves a little happiness in their life. Mine just lies within the Usami family.

Aki and I decided to go for an evening walk. We were both jet-lagged and hopefully the walk would tire us enough for bed at night. I kept pointing at ordinary signs and objects to teach Aki their Japanese names. Just as we were about to cross the road, a car stopped in front of us. And just my luck, in the driver's seat was the person I came all the way to Japan for.

"Oji-chan!"

"Aki! Misaki! What are you doing in Japan?"

"Oji-chan we are going to live in Japan now. I missed you, you know. You never came to visit, so we came to visit you!"

Now Haruhiko-san was looking at me as if I were a hallucination. If the dark circles under his eyes were anything to go by, he really did thought so. I just looked at him and said, "Can we talk at the apartment?"

He drove us back home even if it was only a five minute walk. I asked Aki to go play in his room and give us some privacy.

"The job didn't work out for you?"

Haruhiko-san was frowning, as though he was personally going to make sure it would work if I only said so.

"No, it's not that. I'm moving back here, permanently."

"Why?"

Trust Haruhiko-san to go directly into to the heart of the matter. How should I put this?

"I choose you if you still want me."

As blunt as possible I guess…

Haruhiko-san didn't reply anything. In fact he didn't even give a reaction to that. Maybe he doesn't…

"It's okay. I'm sorry for springing this on you so abruptly. I'll just…"

"No! I mean, yes. Yes I still want you. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm dreaming or not."

"When was the last time you slept?"

"I honestly don't remember. I took a nap in the office but it's just so busy…"

Now he stood up and walked over to me muttering, "…one way to find out…"

He leaned down and literally crashed his lips upon mine. It was much rougher than anything he had ever done. His tongue was demanding entrance; it was every bit a dominating kiss as I first expected back in France.

"Now say that again…"

"I choose you if you still want me."

He smiled and said, "Yes, I do."

"_I do"_

* * *

The number eight has always been pivotal in my life.

At eight I lost my parents.  
But I ended up gaining a father in my brother.

At eighteen I was sexually assaulted by my brother's best friend, a man ten years my senior.  
But I ended up gaining the love of my life.

When my son was eight months old, he lost his father. I lost my husband.  
At twenty eight I ended up gaining someone to heal that hole in our hearts.

I will always love Usagi-san. What I feel for Haruhiko-san is compassion. Some would scoff at it as pity but he knows as I do, that everyone needs a little love in their life, even if it's just compassion. After all, everyone deserves to be happy.

I always considered eight to be an unlucky number for me. But now, I see it as a number of change. It's like the winter that has spring at its heels. All I had to do was wait out the cold and the light at the end of tunnel would open new vistas of joy in my life, of love.

I am looking forward to my thirty eighth birthday…


	15. Chapter 15

**Epilogue**

Dear Bugs,

We went to visit papa's grave today. I read him all the letters I wrote. We visit him four times a year now because Tokyo is far from London. I like living in Japan. I have papa's room all to myself there. Oji-chan visits us and sometimes stays over. He sleeps in daddy's room.

Now daddy is giving me that look. He looks at me funny whenever I start writing in you Bugs. I really don't know why. He did give me you on my last birthday, 8th one. He doesn't want me writing here?

Oji-chan brings me gifts every time he visits. He visits everyday. He eats dinner with me, daddy and Suzuki-san. I sleep with Suzuki-san. Daddy likes it when oji-chan comes over, he smiles a lot.

Yesterday was daddy's birthday. I woke up early to make him breakfast. But oji-chan was already there. And there was black smoke. Daddy was…mad. He kept saying 'Usamis are hopeless at cooking.' Not fair! I know how to cook, sort of.

Daddy also read papa his letters. We always leave our letters there. Oji-chan never writes a letter. At least daddy thinks he doesn't. When daddy is not looking, he puts a letter behind papa's grave. I know because I collect them. Every time it has the same thing on it.

I have to go now. Dinner time, daddy is calling me.

Love,

Aki

PS: Here's that letter. I have a ton of them already.

* * *

ありがとうございました

* * *

A/N: *Thank you


End file.
